As I sit here nibbling on a salad, drinking a glass of water, and photoshopping pictures from the photo shoot at Fort Morgan..
I have my music player on shuffle, and the past two songs are songs happen to make me think of my ex everytime I hear them.
They also happen to be two of "our" songs.
And now thanks to these songs I now have him on my mind..
He's 1,980 miles away in california right now, going through basic training to be a marine. And he's been running through my mind alot lately. I'm beginning to miss him, even though I know I shouldn't..but after living with someone and falling asleep in their arms every night, and waking up to their handsome face every morning.. to go from that to sleeping alone every night and having no one there when you wake up, that can get to a person.. I've learned in the past few months that I'm not exactly a strong person, and I am quite dependent. I hate to be alone, and it happens to be one of my biggest fears..to end up alone for the rest of my life. What happens to make matters worse is the fact that every attempt at a relationship since Matt and I were together hasn't lasted more than a few weeks. And I find myself comparing them to him. Which I also know I shouldn't do. But I can't seem to help myself. He's supposed to come see me once he gets out of basic training, because he'll be stationed in Pensacola which is only about 40 min away from where I live. This isn't exactly a good thing though..for the simple fact that he is now seeing someone. And even though we are still good friends, I have a feeling seeing his face and having him hug me when I see him will only hurt that much more.. Knowing that he's no longer mine. Don't get me wrong, I was the one that ended things between us, at the time his life was going down a path I myself didn't want to follow. But since then he has changed and he's trying to get his life together, which I'm proud of him for. But it only makes it worse..because now I have to wonder if things would be better between us. We didn't have many problems except for the fact he was hardly ever sober..And that was why I left, I couldn't handle it. But after he started getting his act together, we talked for hours each night. But now that he's in california and I have no way of contacting him, It makes me sad and makes me miss him so much more than i could have imagined.. I'm not sure what to do, I have a feeling things between him and his lady friend wont work out. But I'm not sure if I should give us a second chance if I get the opportunity.. Honestly I just wish someone new would come along and sweep me off my feet, and make me forget all about him...I'm in desperate need of some romance in my life..I'm beginning to feel like an old maid. Before you know it I'll have 30 cats. I already have one..29 more to go...